Something
by Bay-92
Summary: Brennan can no longer deal with the growing distance between she and Booth, and now she is searching for a way out
1. Downfall

It had taken one year, two months, four days and three hours for it to come to this. That long until she finally let herself cry, let herself feel all of the anguish and sadness and heartbreak that had been filling her up. That long since she had ruined her chance of a wonderful future. Brennan had thought about it so many times, she had unwillingly etched that moment forever in her mind.

One year, two months, four days and three hours ago, Booth had asked her to give them a chance. And one year, two months, four days, and three hours ago she'd said no.

One year and one month ago, she'd escaped to the Maluku Islands. And Booth had deployed to Afghanistan.

Nine months ago, she'd realized the mistake that she'd made. Nine months ago she hoped she still had a chance.

Six months ago the entire team was called home. Angela and Hodgins travelled back from Paris, Sweets returned to his job with the FBI, Brennan and Daisy came home after a fruitless trip on the Islands. And Special Agent Seeley Booth flew back from the Middle East.

Temperance Brennan had hope then. From the second she had seen Booth, she felt her metaphorical heart lifting. Seeing him had made everything feel like home, and she had hoped, beyond reason, that he would let her change her mind, and let her give them a chance.

Whatever Dr. Temperance Brennan expected to happen, she was wrong. So very, very wrong.

In less than a day, any hope she had was crushed. Not that she had admitted that to herself. The two of them had met at the reflecting pool, just like they'd promised. He'd asked her if she had met anyone, and she stifled the joy as she told him that, no, she'd never had the time. But then he told her about Hannah, the journalist he'd met overseas. Then, Brennan had hid the hurt in her expression, and told Booth she was happy for him. Soon after, Hannah had followed him to D.C.

She had told herself that it was best for everyone, that rationally, she still wasn't the kind of woman that could give him her 30, 40 or 50 years. Brennan blamed her earlier desire to have a relationship with her partner on the heat of the islands, and her longing for their previous normalcy.

Dr. Temperance Brennan and Special Agent Seeley Booth returned to a platonic, if strained partnership. Every time they were together, she had to squelch the quiet whispers in her head that told her that this was all wrong and that she should do _something._ She made her best efforts not to let Booth see what she was dealing with. She constantly commented on compatibility between her partner and his new girlfriend. She even struck up a shaky friendship with the other woman.

Everyone at the lab was skeptical of the brave face she was putting on. They noticed the long and late hours she worked, the look in her eyes every time Hannah came around, and the lack of Booth's presence. Her best friend, Angela, continually offered up comforting words, while Brennan repeatedly brushed them off as unnecessary. And while she denied feeling any kind of anything about the situation, she still knew that they knew what was going on inside her head, and that worried her. Maybe she wasn't fooling everyone as well as she'd thought. And if a group of very literal, and very socially stinted scientists could figure that out, had Booth figured it out too?

But she needn't have worried. Booth was no longer as focused on her as he had once been. They hardly ever went out to eat together, there was never any more late night takeout while they went over cases. The deep connection they had once shared had withered away into nothing but a professional partnership. Taking care of her was no longer the number one thing on his mind, the woman waiting for him at home was.

Over the last six months, she'd spent countless hours rationalizing the situation she was now in. But no matter how many times Brennan had told herself that love was nothing but a chemical reaction, and that Booth should always be simply her partner, she couldn't seem to stop feeling that ever present dull ache. And as the months wore on, those quiet whispers had grown to a dull roar pleading with her to just do_ something_ about these feelings.

And what had led to tonight? Tonight she lay in her bed, alone, sobbing over everything she could have gained, but lost instead. Dr. Temperance Brennan, who tried so hard to be a rational, emotionless human being, could not stop the tears that were falling. She was hurt, and she could no longer ignore the pain and loneliness that had been growing in every deep, dark corner of her mind. And she was angry. Angry at herself for not taking the chance when she had it, for allowing the idea of loving Booth into her head, and angry at Booth for making her feel this way, and not even noticing.

The catalyst for her emotional breakdown occurred earlier that afternoon. Hannah had asked her to lunch. Brennan had been hesitant at first, as she always was about spending time with Hannah, but the blonde had looked so excited, and so expectant, she could think of no reason to say no. Hannah talked about her daily life with Booth, funny and sweet things Booth had done for her, annoying things he did at home. She called him _Seeley_, and while Brennan sat there silently, she felt as though they were discussing someone she didn't even know, all the while trying to push down those feelings. But then the conversation took a turn, and Hannah, with a giant grin on her face, began talking of things that made the walls Brennan had built up in her head around those terrible, painful feelings had come crashing down.

"_Seeley_ is the most amazing man I've ever met." Hannah had said. "I've spent so much of my life chasing news and adventure, but things are so much different now."

"How?" was the only phrase Temperance had been able to muster, while something in her head screamed at her that she didn't really want to hear the answer.

"I just feel like, for the first time, I could settle down. I could really marry _Seeley_. I have even thought about just asking him to get married myself!"

Brennan kept her face in check, refusing to let Hannah see the flood of emotional pain that statement had let loose. She blathered out some nonsense about Booth's alpha male tendencies and pride, then excused herself, telling Hannah she needed to get back to work.

She spent the next few hours staring listlessly at some remains in Limbo, holding back tears she'd never expecting to have and accomplishing very little. She had gone home, early for once, hoping to find something else to get her mind off of what Hannah had said. She'd tried to read an anthropological journal, but the articles had passed in and out of her mind without really meaning anything. She'd tried to work on her latest novel, but "Kathy" and "Andy's" relationship was hitting too close to home at the moment. She'd drawn herself a bath, put on some old records, and tried to drown out her thoughts with music. But the dull roar within her heart and mind was growing steadily, like a big, dark, evil thing threatening to swallow her.

Temperance had crawled into bed, hoping that sleep would stay the disaster that was surely building in her own heart. And she did sleep, for a moment at least. And then she had dreamt. She dreamt of sunlight streaming through her curtains onto the two of them in bed. She dreamt of his arm holding her close, while he whispered "I love you's" into the crook of her neck. And then she had woken.

Brennan awoke to the feeling of her metaphorical crushing, breaking, _fracturing_. She began to cry, harder then she had when her parents left, harder than she had when they discovered her mother. The sobs wracked through her body in painful waves, and she could not stop herself from gasping for air. She was uncontrollable, and inconsolable. She had lost what was surely the only thing that would have made her life truly worth living.

Dr. Temperance Brennan had never cried over a man in her entire life, save for her father, and her she was, hysterical and crushed by the man who was supposed to be her best friend.

She couldn't do this anymore. She couldn't pretend that everything was fine between her and Booth. She needed to do _something._ She wanted to run from this, and run from him. She could request another partner, but he would start asking questions. She could escape to another remote country, take a sabbatical, but eventually Brennan would have to return. She could look for another job, but she had so many friends here. Would she be willing to give that up?

It didn't matter. Temperance simply could not suffer this pain any longer. She could not push her emotions down and she could not pretend any longer that her heart wasn't torn to pieces every time she saw Booth and Hannah together.

She had to do _something._


	2. Hang

Returning to work at the lab would prove to be more difficult than Dr. Brennan had initially thought. Everything there reminded her of Booth. She couldn't stop thinking about all the cases they'd solved there, the coffee they had drank up on the balcony, him sleeping on the couch in her office, the two of them kissing under the mistletoe.

All of these thoughts prevented Brennan from focusing on the remains of what may have been a member of the Cahokian elite, dating back over a thousand years. Something of this magnitude deserved the whole of her attention, but she just couldn't force herself to concentrate.

Temperance knew everyone was watching her. Cam had come in multiple times to check on her, each time leaving disappointed with her lack of progress. Hodgins had finished with the last of the particulates hours ago, but she still had yet to discover any evidence that would make his findings significant.

She'd been staring blankly at the Spinous Process of a Thoracic Vertebra for several minutes now. Brennan should have been done with it ten minutes ago, but she found that after her very thorough inspection of it, she could not remember what she just looked at. So, she would inspect it again. It was making for a painstakingly slow process.

Brennan was startled out of her trance by a loud voice behind her. "Sweetie!"

She dropped the Vertebra with a curse, wincing as it clattered to the table. "Angela, Please! These bones are a thousand years old, the last thing I need to be doing is dropping them."

Angela offered up an apologetic smile before grabbing Temperance by the elbow, trying to steer her out of the lab.

"I'm sorry Bren. But you have been in here _all_ day, and even I can see you're getting nothing done. I had Cam call and ask Arastoo to come in and help identify this guy. And, while he's doing that, you and I need to talk. Something is up Sweetie, and I want you to tell me what it is."

Ever obstinate, Brennan tried to wrench her arm out of her friend's strong grip. "This _guy_ as you so eloquently put it, could very well be a Cahokian Chief, and there is nothing to talk about, I'm fine, honestly."

But she could tell that no matter how stubborn she was going to be, Angela was going to be more so. Not about to fight with a very pregnant woman, Brennan allowed herself to be led to her office. Once there, Angela planted the two of them on the couch, shooting Brennan an expectant look.

Exasperated, Temperance tried once again to deflect Angela's curiosity. "It's nothing to worry about. I promise." But, as soon as the words left her mouth, she saw her friend's eyebrows rise, and realized her mistake.

"So, first you tell me _nothing_ is wrong, and then tell me _it_ is nothing to worry about. _It _is something. Therefore, _something_ must be wrong. I know that there is. I feel it in my gut."

Dr. Brennan saw in Angela's expression that there would be no convincing her that she was fine. And as much as she pretended she didn't, Brennan was aching to tell someone about the pain she'd unleashed inside herself. She could still feel it eating her up inside. With a sigh of defeat, Brennan made the decision to be honest with Angela. If anyone could understand what she was dealing with, it would be someone who had been with her every step of the way.

"I came to a realization the other night. I believe that I may have been incorrect before. It has always been my conclusion that love was just a result of a chemical reaction, but the other night, I had a dream, I woke up crying. And now I regard that as a misguided assumption. "

She was rambling, Brennan could feel it, but she couldn't put her thoughts in order. "Slow down Sweetie, and tell me about what happened," Angela said reassuringly.

Brennan began again, already close to tears. "It's just that, before everyone left, Booth asked me to give us a chance. But I told him no. And then when I was in the Islands, I started thinking that maybe, I'd made a mistake. That maybe, I could be what he needed. But then we all came home, and he brought Hannah with him. I've tried to rationalize it for months now, but I just can't anymore. I missed my chance, and it _hurts_, and I don't know what to do anymore."

By now she was sobbing, and Angela moved to embrace her. "Jeeze, Bren. I knew this was hurting you, I _knew_ you couldn't be as strong as you said you were. I'm so sorry."

"It is just so painful to be around him now, Ange. Hearing him talk about Hannah, and pretending like nothinig has changed between us? It's just too hard. I don't think I can do this anymore, I just can't be…"

Temperance was interrupted by a voice calling out to her from the lab, the very voice she wasn't ready to hear that that moment.

"Bones! We've got a case. Let's go! Chop Chop!"

Booth stopped dead at the entrance to her office, watching as his partner tried to wipe away tears "Bones, hey what's wrong?"

She cleared her throat, acting as though she hadn't been hysterical merely seconds before. "Nothing, Booth. It's just a- a personal matter. I believe that I will send Mr. Vaziri with you today. Some field experience would be quite the beneficial experience for him. "

Before he could utter another word, she rushed from her office. He turned to question Angela, but his words were halted by the glare she gave him. "I think, Booth, that we should leave her alone right now. You know? Go work on your case."

Booth was left there, dejected and completely confused. Something was wrong with his partner, obviously. But her best friend had clearly stonewalled him. And then there was a case to investigate. And he had dinner plans. So, with a resigned shake of his head, he ventured back into the lab to collect the intern.

Later, Dr. Temperance Brennan made a few calls, determined to make some changes before she lost her resolve. In a few days time, she would be returning to Illinois, to her Alma Mater of Northwestern University. In a few days time she would escape this.


	3. Leave

Special Agent Seeley Booth was having an incredibly frustrating week.

First, he gets assigned a highly publicized case concerning yet another United States senator. He went to collect his partner only to find her crying hysterically before sending him off with this week's squintern. He had to admit, these people were smart. But, they were inexperienced at best. He could _not_ have inexperience concerning this case. So, the remains were transported to the lab.

Then, if Booth had thought the intern's fumbling at the crime scene had been frustrating, then he was entirely unprepared for what awaited him at the lab. He'd barely had time to swipe his key card before the lot of them started in on him.

First came Hodgins. "Booth, man. Come on! You've been on what… 200 cases now? You should know I need more samples and particulates than the ones the FBI collected. Rookie at best bro! I had more information in my eighth grade science project."

Booth tried to defend himself, tried to point out that it was the _Forensic Anthropologists_ job to determine what is relevant or not at a crime scene.

"I mean really guys! _I'm_ the agent, _you're_ the scientists. Shouldn't you be blaming what's his name? Nosferatu?"

He barely got the words out before Cam was at him. "His name is _Arastoo._ You've met him multiple times and I'm sure he wouldn't appreciate you speaking of him in reference to a 1920's vampire movie. An awful one at that!"

"Ok. But Cam, seriously…"

"Booth!" Bones shouted at him indignantly. "Mr. Vaziri is an intern. He needs to learn and I thought at the very least you could help him. I had more pressing matters to attend to!"

Booth did little but hold his head in his hands. He took a deep breath, collected himself, then faced them.

"Ok, right, whatever. What have you got for me? Details? Weapons? Identity?"

"I can help you with that." Angela shouted from her office, before muttering, "not that you deserve it."

She pulled some windows up on the computer screen before continuing. "Her name is Meredith Dorsey, the 32 year old wife of Senator Robert Dorsey. He reported her missing three months ago."

"Alright, well we'll bring him in. Let's go interrogating Bones!"

Booth watched as everyone turned to look at her expectantly. But all she did was stutter out. "Oh! I-I uh can't go with you today either Booth. I-I have a meeting!"

"A meeting. What meeting? With who?" He asked skeptically.

"It's just book things. Just… things to do with my new book. "

Seeley Booth had never before heard Temperance Brennan refer to anything with a word as vague as 'things'_._ _She's lying to me. _He thought with a pang of betrayal. Bones didn't lie. Ever. And she wasn't very good at it anyway.

"Ok Bones, I'll bite. What is going on with you? You were crying. You won't go out into the field with me. And now you're lying. Don't deny it, you are the worst liar in the history of lies. What did I do?"

"I can assure you Booth, I am not lying. Absolutely not! I had a moment of weakness the other day, and I've simply been too busy with my book and identifying remains to leave the lab. As for the other things, I am fairly certain that there is no chronological history of liars. And I certainly don't want you biting anything! So, if you'll excuse me, I'll go get ready for my part- I mean meeting!"

And just like that she left. Booth stood on the platform, mouth agape as he watched her retreat to her office. He tried to ask one of the squints, but they had all nonchalantly turned back to their tasks at hand.

"You know what? Fine! No one tell me anything. I'll just do all of the field work myself then. No more interns, no help from my partner. I'll be just fine on my own!"

Booth hurried out of the lab in an angry huff. Something was up, and he really did not appreciate being kept in the dark.

* * *

Brennan sat in her office, staring at the boxes she had packed so far. She had organized them neatly in a corner of the room, each labeled accordingly and ready to be shipped. There had been a lot of things to pack. Anthropological books and journals, awards she had won for her work, trinkets and baubles friends, students, and coworkers had given her over the years. There were even some pictures of her and Booth. She'd packed those too. But now, hours later, she couldn't remember where she'd put them. And she desperately wanted them out.

This afternoon, Booth had made her a little more certain that their partnership was over. _Okay Bones, I'll bite. _ Once Angela had explained what he'd meant, Temperance had been insulted. Like pretending to care about her feelings was some sort of obligation, like he _had _to ask what was wrong, when really he couldn't care less. They used to be best friends. He had known her better than anyone else ever would, but now he'd hardly noticed her sadness. And when he had, he'd acted as though it was inconveniencing him. She wouldn't be an inconvenience or an obligation. Not to him, not to anyone.

When she left, she would miss the family she'd created here. She would miss Angela, and all her good advice. She would miss Cam, with her sarcasm and humor. She would miss Hodgins, they'd been through so much together. She would miss all of her interns. And, although she didn't want to admit it, she would more than likely miss Booth. But only for a minute. Brennan had to let go of their friendship, their partnership, and everything else they had missed out on. He had moved on in every sense of the word, and she would too.

* * *

Later that evening, Booth came grumbling back into the Jeffersonian. He knew she would still be here. She always was, unless he forcefully dragged her out of here. _Which_, he noted a little guiltily, _you haven't been doing much of lately._

Sometimes he felt culpable when he thought of how it used to be. Booth missed their late night take out, all of their meals at the diner, all of the funny and totally confusing conversations that went with them. Sometimes, he missed how it had been when it was just the two of them.

_We still go to the diner, just with Hannah._

Maybe he had been neglecting her lately. Booth knew he'd been incredibly wrapped up in his new girlfriend. But it didn't mean they weren't still best friends right? There were just some things he couldn't do with her now that he was a committed man. She was logical. They would talk, he'd apologize, and she would forgive him. He'd find more time for her, and everything would be almost back to the way it was.

Booth's frustrated mood had lifted considerably by the time he reached Bone's office. He came to the door just in time to hear the tail end of a conversation between her and Angela. And what he heard stopped him dead.

"Oh sweetie. It really won't be the same here when you're gone. I mean, Clark is smart, but he really won't compare to you."

"I know, Angela." Brennan replied with sadness in her voice. "Clark of course won't compare to me, his IQ is considerably less than my own. But he will be sufficient. And, I of course will miss everyone here as well. But I really can't do this anymore. I need to move on."

Booth stared wide-eyed at the two women. "Bones…what?… Are you leaving?"


End file.
